Thursday, August 4, 2011

Change

As I sit here, I am thinking back to the song "Time Marches On" by Tracy Lawrence where he sings "the only thing that stays the same is everything changes". If you had asked me a few months ago what I had planned on doing after this deployment, I would have said that I was moving to the East Coast and pursuing a career.

Now I am having doubt. This deployment has put into perspective many things about where I want to take my life and also shown me that I have strayed from the road I wanted to be on. The road I was on was set hastily by bad experiences from previous job as a full-time Guardsman. I should've stepped back from that and looked around, but instead I felt tainted, jaded, and I wanted out. So much that I was willing to move away from family, friends, and Brothers who I hold very dear to my heart.

I sit here, and those who are close to me in the Sandbox have whispered council that I wish had come sooner as I have made some decisions that I wish I now hadn't. Nothing serious, but I feel I have missed a chance at something for this next year.

Before me are decisions of going back to school, finishing my degree, finding an affordable place to live, and a part-time job that will help pay the bills and other expenditures. Do I try to make something of past relationships that may still hold a spark? So much on my mind and I'm not even home yet.

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